....I'm going to fall in love someday. One
day, perhaps from out of the blue,
perhaps from behind my back, some
wonderfully precious man of God is going to
grab one of those caveman type clubs and
send it crashing down over my head.
He's going to make me see stars. For
days I'm going to be in a smiling
stupor. Maybe I'll even drool a bit. And
I'm going to be in love. This love is
going to be neither cheap nor easy. It's
not going to be a plastic ring bought at
the corner dimestore. It's not going to
be a brass ring purchased at some
commercial mall. It's going to be a set
of diamonds on a ring of gold. This ring
will not come from a gemstore though.
I'm going to craft it myself. I'm going
to travel through valleys and hills, up
mountains, and down chasms in search of
rich mines. I'm going to smelt the ore,
fashion the ring, cut the diamonds, and
forge this magnificent jewel. It's going
to shine in the sunlight, glitter
in the moonlight, and it will last for
more than a thousand years. And it will
be for him.
Now I don't want this love to be bed of
roses, painted or otherwise. I don't
want it simply sweet and sugary. I don't
want it to be just like peppermint bits
or chocolate kisses.
I want this love to hurt.
I want this love to bite.
I want this love to be able to bite.
I'm not talking about love bites. I'm
not talking about ant bites, mosquito
bites, bee stings. I don't want to be
bitten by some pitiful insect that I can
slap away or crush with barely a thought.
I want to be bitten by something with teeth.
I want to be bitten by a great white
shark or the king of the jungle.
I want a piece of myself to be torn away
and chewed on.
I want to bleed.
I'm not crazy and I'm not a masochist. I
have never enjoyed pain and I don't like
being hurt.
But I want my love to be able to hurt
me. I want my love to be someone I can
fuss over, someone who'll have me
pulling out my hair in fistfuls trying
to decide whether he'd rather have the
dozen roses or the Valentine truffles. I
want my love to make me chew my
fingernails down to my knuckles when
it's almost midnight and he's not home
from the office yet. I want my love to
make my heart pound ceaselessly when I
worry about him driving on highways
inhabited by gas-pedal-pushing madmen. I
want my love to make me pace back and
forth, wearing deep trenches in the
carpet, when it's 8:30 and he hasn't
called yet. I want my love to push big,
fat, watery tears from the hiding places
in my eyes, down my flushed cheeks, off
my hardened chin, and onto my clenched
fists when she yells the word "hate" in
my face and calls me a jerk. I want to
feel the cold kiss of steel through my
heart should my love ever leave me all
alone. And should my love ever die, I
want to weep for days on end. I want to
scream and kick and curse and hate. I
want to feel as if my body were being
burned by fierce flames. I want to
thrash madly about and when my spirit is
spent, I want to feel a noose tighten
around my neck, slowly choking me. With
my hands clasped about my throat, I want
to feel cold, as if ice had slid though
my veins. I want to feel the heavy black
weight loss
and love on my frail shoulders.
I want my love to hurt, hurt as
painfully as can be.
I want to feel every bit of this pain.
I want to feel every bit of this love.
I want this because love that doesn't
hurt is love that isn't real.
And I want the real thing for me and my
TRUE LOVE....~~
<3MaureenCUPID<3Sept2007***
